And so it begins…

Hello and welcome to my blog. A place for thoughts, ideas, wonderings and questions. A place where the random will be celebrated and spelling does not count. I write the way I talk, which yes, may include creating new words.

This blog began in 2021 when I went on a journey to Turkey and Greece to experience, learn and grow in my understanding of our New Testament Letters. I knew this would influence me for the rest of my life and change how I read the ancient words that the Spirit is still breathing life into.

This was not a new journey. I have been privileged to travel to Israel and Palestine to walk where Jesus walked and meet the ancestors of the people whom Jesus loved. The Gospels and even parts of the Hebrew Bible have never been the same. And I was changed, my faith, my experience of the Divine, and my inner being.

A journey is not just a physical one of geography, it is a journey of the soul. I feel as if I am on a constant quest to discover who the Triune God is and how we fit in the big picture. I have had time of certainty and questions, times of closeness and feelings of abandonment. Sometimes I have felt like I have almost figured something out, only to be blown away by something I never saw coming.

I promise you this, dear reader, if you are still reading. This blog will be honest, as an 8 I can’t help it. It will be vulnerable, as an 8 I am working on it. There may be somethings you won’t like, be shocked by, laugh at, cry with, say Amen to, and don’t be surprised if some of that happens at the same time. I encourage you to comment, dialog with me- if we are on a journey together, why not talk about it.

Peace to you all and I look forward to seeing where this path takes us.

Erin

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Not your typical post

Hello Dear Reader- today’s post is not the typical post. See when you are a Pastor of a church, when you speak from that pulpit, or even in mass social media, you are an agent of the church. Your views should first reflect Jesus Christ, and then be in relationship with the people you lead. We as Pastors are not always allowed, nor should we express our personal thoughts, as we are called shepherds to a particular flock.

And yet, how we think and feel may not always be in line with what we can or should say from the pulpit and this is one of those times. So today, with my small amount of readers, I feel it is safe to talk for a moment about what is happening in the Supreme Court and the conversation regarding Roe V Wade.

So first, one must understand, that in being pro-choice, which I am, one is not also pro-abortion. These are 2 different topics. One is about how women are allowed to chose what happens to their bodies and the government’s role in that. The other is about how we care for pregnant women and what is happening in their bodies.

One must also acknowledge that this is a complex conversation. There are many ways one can think of things, different circumstances, different understandings of when life begins, who’s life is worth more, what physical life, emotional life, spiritual life matters.

I get irate when people talk about the unborn life of the child- how that is so sacred- if that is true- then provide for the life before and after it is born. Where is the tax and penalty on men who make that baby at CONCEPTION! why doesn’t child support start from that moment? What about providing free health care to all pregnant women, along with job security. So that if a single women, working a waitress job, is given health care, maternity leave and guaranteed to get her job back and the psychological support that would allow her to process this pregnancy and giving it up for adoption, then it is a possibility.

That, is God’s call to steward life. To care for those who are in need. But we don’t have those conversations. The conversations are about control and not freeing people to

But that is not the conversation. It is about first- controlling the body, the choice of the women- not the men- with no support after that decision. It seems like putting the horse before the cart. It does not seem to support life, but makes life harder.

Again, I am not pro-abortion. I wish women would feel that they did not have to make a choice. I have had a few friends make that choice. I have had to sit with a few families that have had to make that choice and cry as they did, grieving a baby that they loved and had named, but had to have aborted due to medical reasons for the mom or their own sake.

I have sat with women who have given children up for adoption and kids who have been adopted, both suffering wounds and scars that have not been able to heal because they were not able to get the help they needed. Women who would have kept their children, but felt they had no choice, because of so many other reasons.

What I want to say is- we are asking the wrong question. We are looking at the wrong solution. And if this is the solution we are looking at- then we are not talking about the sacredness of life- we are talking about controlling other people and making them suffer because we can. And is not what Jesus would do!!!!!!!!

The Day That Was

Right now I should still be on a plane, but landing soon in Chicago. Then checking into a hotel for the night, get my body right and a good rest and then getting up Wednesday to catch a flight home, all fresh and renewed. Instead I sit in a hotel room in Istanbul with 27 other people, no luggage, catching some sleep to get a shuttle at 3am to catch a place home. It is all going wrong, until it wasn’t.

It started at the Tel Aviv Airport. There were not nearly enough people to work the counters and so many people are travelling because of Passover and we have not travelled in such a long time as a whole. Our group got divided up and as I often do, I chose what seemed the shortest line, but wasn’t. (don’t ever follow me in line unless you are not in a hurry). SO we stood there and waited, oh and did I tell you it was 5:00 AM? They were making announcements in every language but English and I had no cluse what was going on. But the people in front of me, a family, seemed like the knew english.

The mom, a midwife, was originally from the states. She moved to Israel when she was 16 going to boarding school. Served her time in the army, trained as a mid wife, met her husband and had her 2 girls. They live in the states and come back to see his family. The girls were 5 and 10. We played games, shared stories, explained we were pastors and what not. I entertained myself and them. In front of them, in all the pushing and shoving were two Palestine Muslim older women. 2 Muslim women, a Jewish Family nd a few Lutheran Pastors were all in line….. sounds like a joke.

We have been hearing though out our time here about the animosity/fear/hate between these people. The loathing that happens, the it was fascinating to see everyone in 1 space together.

Well as it happens, one of the women started to get light headed, having a panic attack, and fasting for Ramadan, she was not in good shape. The Israeli Jewish husband said something to his wife, who then got her bag and began to help the woman. Caring for her, helping her sit down, getting out of line to assist her. This left dad with 2 girls and 6-7 suitcases. So the Christians helped the Jewish family look after the kids, move the luggage and continue in the line.

It was fascinating, and a reminder of our shared call to love. That we are all brothers and sisters under the same Lord. It was this beautiful snippet of the Kingdom of God. My new friends, the girls, called me their airport aunt as we played games and talked. Before they left, they gave me a bracelet, it said “hope endures”. Truly, hope endures. It has been an amazing trip. I continue to be humbled at how God shows up in the least expected places. This is a story that will sit with me for a while.

Hope endures- i hope to be home tomorrow. I hope to continue to tell the story. I hope we all find peace some day. I hope…..

Heavy Heart

Hello Dear Reader,

Today I greet you from Bethlehem, the birth place of Jesus. We visited Shepherd’s field and the Church of the Nativity. It is also Orthodox Good Friday. Orthodox Christians are ones who trace their history to the original followers of the way- Christians. (there is a lot more to it than that, but that is a huge part) For those who are Christians here in this part of the world, they are decedents of Mary, Joseph, James, Andrew, Peter, Mary Magdalene, Soleme and others. They can trace their ancestors and faith as only Palestinians can.

driving from Galilee to Bethlehem

When I went out with a friend last night and our guide we stopped in on a Good Friday Service. It was standing room only and we could not even get in. We stood there on the outside of the door and listened to the music. Tones that were 1000’s of years old, in the language that has been sung to lament this day for 1000’s of years. Being in the birthplace of Jesus, knowing that just 45 minutes up the road, he would be walking his walk to death…… Powerful. I did not take pictures, as it was too sacred. Sometimes you just have to experience the Divine.

Jacob’s Well

As we left Galilee and traveled South we went through Samaria, the terrain changes and so does the feeling. What I am going to say next may be controversial, but my heart breaks for the Palestinian. They live as people in a land that has been taken over. Much like the Ukrainians, the Native Americans or any conquered land. When the line of demarcation happened in 1948, there lands were given over to another nation. They had no choice and if they did fight, they died. Now over 70 years later, they are losing more and more freedom and land. Checkpoints, more Settlements and restrictions are their daily lives.

A sign posted by the Israeli Government

As we drove our guide told us that you can tell a Palestinian house from a Israeli house by the roofs. The Palestinian houses have water tanks on top of their homes, because 2-3 times a week their water will be shut off. The Israeli Government controls the building permits as well, so you will see many Settlements rising in the hills, yet in the Palestinian territories they can not even fix their homes.

They live with constant harassment in their own communities. We went shopping yesterday and as I talked to one of the merchants, Peter, he asked me to pray for him. I said of course, what would you like me to pray for? And he said strength, strength to continue on, freedom and one day he could return to his home.

Water containers on the top of Palestinian houses

As I stood among the Palestinian and worshipped, thought of Jesus, a Palestinian man, who was persecuted by power and authority, I carry a heavy heart.

I wonder as I wander

Today was a day!  Showered and slept I was ready to tackle the day.  We visited Father Chacour today.  At 83 he is still preaching the Gospel and loving people.  Something he said struck me.  The school which he built, which educates any child – Muslim, Jew, Christian, Palestian,  Israeli,  boy or girl was built on a mountain.  The mountain was called Mount Ogre.  That’s right, ogre, a monster, something to be feared.  He went to the top and baptized it mountain of light and then built a school.

It struck me the power of belief and faith.  In baptizing, doing this ceremony, invoking the Holy Spirit to claim that mountain, they believed it had been changed, now claimed by God to shine God’s light into a weary world. And they built a school.   It started as 80 children and now have over 2,000 learning and growing together.

At the church of the Annunciation there stands a statue of Mary. Her hands are worn black for so many habe held those hands in faith. A statue of Joseph sits with knees shinning as so many have touched his knees for a blessing and luck.

I wonder if we believe, actually believe in the power of the name of Jesus.  That when we invoke it, things happen.  

It also makes me wonder what the relationship is between faith and God’s actions.  We hear in scripture how people’s faith made them well. The action of believing inacts the miracle of God’s presence.  God is active in the world, and when we act in faith, when we believe, we are blessed by witnessing the Spirit at work.

When I stand at the front of the congregation and declare, in the name of Jesus Christ all your sins are forgiven, I believe.  in that moment the slate is truly wiped clean. Jesus noonger holds onto all the times you missed the mark, all the times that you caused pain, hurt, tried to li e the calling we are called to and failed. Do you?

And yet I dont have the faith to make mountains move. I wonder sometimes if i can escape my doubt.  If I can move beyond my disbelief. Pastor Jim Milligan had his favorite verse, I believe,  help my unbelief.  I understand that deeply now. 

What if…… what if we believed and acted in faith?  What if we trusted Jesus to do what he says and to show up.  What if we believed every time we call on the name, that power is invoked and the world is transformed?  What if….

These kinds of trips open my eyes so much to how little I know and how great our God is. I pray that we can all wonder together.

All the Feels!

Can I be honest?  It has been an emotional time for me.  In the past 2.5 months I have-

• Discerned I do not want to be a Senior or Solo Pastor
• Which, to me, means I also need to leave my current call in-order to clear the deck
• I started interviewing with a Church and in May they are going to vote on me
• This place is yet in another new state- across the country- which adds all kinds of joys complications.
• My dad cut his toe so severely he had to have it amputated- he has no clue how he cut it
• We had to move him to a whole new facility
• Then he had a blood clot in his lung- he is fine now
• Leo got in a cat fight with a random cat and ended up in the vet- he is fine now, but did give him a shock….. for a whole day
• Myself, the part time Interim, along with a slew of true servants executed 9 services in a week for Holy Week- and it rocked!
• I had to share with people I love I was no longer called to serve them
• I got to do first communion with 4 families in a way that I never had before that was meaningful for the families and the whole congregation
• Did the funeral of a Pastor whom I love and who welcomed me to this congregation
• And now I am on my way to the Holy Lands for 8 days!!!!!!
• And my luggage got left in Detroit and so I am waiting………

And those are just the highlights! So as I sit here, waiting for luggage so I can check into my flight, praying I did all the paperwork correct, I realize how tired I am.  Truly, bone tired. Like could sleep for a month, cry my heart out, laugh until I cry and then sleep some more.  Have you ever looked back at how your life has been and think- oh that is why I feel that way?

Like perhaps you are full of energy and smiles because you have been eating right, exercising, and doing really great things for yourself (I hate you by the way) and you think- wow I feel great – and then you realize why.

Or perhaps you are feeling all kinds of anger, resentment, annoyed at everyone who pulls out in front of you or walks slow when you are trying to get somewhere, and you look back and see how you have been really hurt or others you love have and you have not dealt with it.  Who has the time- so it is dealing with you. 

Sometimes I think we get so busy living and doing, we forget to feel.  I am an enneagram 8 with my feeling center a bit repressed.  It is part of who I am, I feel last.  I DO first with THINKING a close second and then as a last resort I will FEEL. 

Yet when I don’t take the time to feel- then it catches up with me.  All the feelings come- like now.  Grief, exhaustion, exhilaration, gratitude, anticipation, – all the feels.

So I am going to blog again while I am on this crazy journey to the Holy Lands.  A chance to share with you all the sights, sounds and smells- I will try to be careful with the smells- but also a chance to feel.  This also serves as a warning dear reader- I am all over the place and it may get messey- but we are in this together….right?

See you in the Holy Land- I hope- with luggage!

You Never Know

Dear Reader, I am sorry that I have not been up on my postings. Lent, getting ready for Holy Week, a surprise trip the Holy Lands after Easter, and many other things that will be revealed soon have kept me away. But I had an experience on Saturday that I wanted to share.

I finally had 2 days off in a row in which I did not have to do anything but maybe an hour of work. I will say this has not happened since August. So I was sooooo stoked!!!! Saturday I ran errands, went shopping and decided I would take myself out to dinner. I was showered, but in sweats, sweatshirt, hair back in a bandanna, but I really wanted steak. So I went to the Outback.

And although I wanted to hide in a both, they were short staffed and there was no waiting at the bar, so off to the bar I went. I ordered my food, put my earbuds in and started watching Tik Tok. I made it through the app, ordered my beam and coke and was halfway through my dinner when I saw that the single woman beside me had ordered cheesecake.

Now that is my weakness. It was this fluffy, thick piece of Cheesecake with berry sauce dripping down the sides. I looked over and said – wow I think I might have food envy. And she offered to share. Which was kind, and I refused. But that kicked off a conversation.

Over the next hour our conversation floated from her progressive meals she does a couple times a week at various restaurants, her friends open relationships, polyamory, her family life and great restaurants in Spartanburg she finally asks the question…….. so what do you do?

Always a wonderful question, especially after the random conversation topics, that one may not talk to a Pastor about, as well as presenting a perspective that is not the typical conservative Christian perspective. Do I out myself?

Well if you know me, you know the answer is- OF COURSE!!! I told her I was a Pastor. And the look on her face was priceless, shock, awe, wonder, curious. The conversation turned. And it turned into this heartbreaking story. Her story is one that I have heard before and probably echoes many people. She goes to church, actually goes weekly. She goes because of tradition, because it is the “right” thing to do. And she says she feels nothing. Except she does feel something, she feels guilt. She confessed that she had not taken communion for over a year. That every week she stays in her seat, feeling not worthy of the gift given. She thinks that because she knows she will not change, she is sorry for things, but not able to change, she is not worthy of taking communion.

Y’all, my heart broke. Can you imagine, sitting there in church, thinking that all these other people are worthy, and you are not. And never having someone tell you different. To look this woman in the eyes and let her know that no-one is worthy, that is why it is a gift. That Jesus freely gives us his love, his body, his forgiveness, his blood, his grace, not dependence on our repentance, or our ability to change, or on how good we are. That is precisely the point.

I told her how loved she was, how perfectly imperfect she is, that what allows her to change is not her own ability, but God’s ability to transform us. In drawing away from Jesus then we only go further away from experiencing the freeing love that transforms us.

Of course at the end of the conversation I invited her to come to church. I invited her to share this Holy Week with the community I am a part of. And I left, praying for her and for our world.

You never know who needs to hear the words of grace that we know. You never know when you are being called to listen, speak and love. Even when you are sitting at the bar alone, in your sweats, trying to enjoy your day off, with TikTok a steak and a beam-in-coke. It seems when we are open to the Spirit, the Spirit shows up.

Be faithful.

To Russia with Love

As we watch the events unfold with Ukraine, I have been thinking about the Russians. Maybe it is because at one time I was in love with a Russian, who still lives there with his wife and children- side note, he was not married when I was in love with him……it was over 20 years ago. Maybe because I just preached about loving your enemies, praying for those who persecute you, blessing those who curse you. Maybe because I think about the freedoms we have in our country that are not available in other countries.

Denis, I met working at camp and he was the first Russian I had met. He was quiet, smart, artistic, musical, introspective and solemn. During the first 2 weeks of staff training he never smiled, he didn’t really talk, and was rather withdrawn. I was worried-in the next week he would be alone with children. I sat with him and we talked. He was embarrassed at the lack of English he knew, even knowing that he had a degree in English. And he told me Russians don’t smile. When we looked at his pictures from home, he was right. Not 1 smile among them.

During that summer I saw this amazing change in him, as he learned a new way of living. He began to smile, laugh, share. I realized his world was never open to joy or simplicity. He had not been embraced by others in a loving community. He was not encouraged or affirmed to think, talk, share, ask questions, be truly authentic. One week we were serving a church out in the hills and hollers. There was a big, huge, grassy hill across from the church. I told Denis to climb the hill, he just looked at me with skepticism. I said- just go, trust me. He went to the top of the hill and I told him to lay down. Again, the look. And then he did, and I told him to roll. And slowly, cautiously, he did roll. And the giggle, the joy, the rolling laughter that came from him. When he reached the bottom I asked, had he ever done that before? And, as I thought, he said no. By the end of the summer I was sunk- totally drunk in love with this man who was discovering himself. This free man, so complex, so full of wonder and joy but not ever able to release it.

I will spare you the details, but a year later he came back to work the next summer and we reunited. By the end of that summer we were talking about what was next. I wanted him to stay, we could get married, he could work and teach here. But for reasons I could not understand, he loved his mother Russia and would not leave it. I offered to move there- I did not speak Russian, but I would learn, and I loved to travel, I loved him. But he told me no. That the woman he loved could not exist in Russia. The fierce, independent, smart, witty, strong ( I could go on…lol) woman he loved, could not exist in his homeland. So he went home and I went on.

I know that was over 20 years ago, but things have not changed all that much. I have seen the protests in Russia, and the arrests that happen with a government with no due process. I think of what it means to be a solider, answering to a higher authority, whether you agree or not, much like our military. And how complex war is.

I think about how we all can be trapped- the Ukraine’s who are fighting to exist in their own space. The soldiers who are following orders. Those who are fleeing for their lives, who may never see their homes again, those who are dying on all sides. And this war is not the only one that is existing on our planet right now. People are at war in other countries, actual and metaphorical. People are at war in their families, in their own hearts, in their souls.

So what is our calling in this war. For me, as I have discerned, as a person of faith, as a leader, and as an American Citizen, it is compassion and voice. Have compassion for all, people on all sides. We do not know their stories, we do not walk in their skin, we do not live their lives. We must therefore be compassionate. And we can’t be silent. We must speak for others, ask the hard questions, engage others and ourselves.

And we must pray- bless- seek out Christ and his light. Lament, rant, rage, humble ourselves to our God. Seek the Spirit and be open. Open to where you are being called, open to love the stranger. Open.

Watching My Life Go By

My 2 favorite sins are sloth and gluttony. They are my go to sins. When I am stressed, sad, overwhelmed, I revel in doing nothing and filling a hole. Sometimes that is sitting on my couch, watching tv shows that I have seen for the umpteenth (wow that is actually a word- spellcheck!) time. It can be letting my mind be numb by a mindless game only stopping when my phone is about to die. Or my new time suck- Tik Tok! Hours go by as I scroll through endless videos, some funny, some heart breaking, some that are all about the dance or all about the bass.

The gluttony comes in with the overindulgence. Shoes- Food- Clothes- Gadgets- Purses- Food. The constant trying to find things that will fill the hole that is in me. Sometimes my days, when I am not working, can be filled with my sitting on my couch, tv on, phone on, and some kind of food at my side. And at the end of the day. I feel as if I have wasted my day. Sometimes I feel like I am watching my life go by. Ever felt that way? Perhaps not. Perhaps so.

For those of you who know me, this might be a bit shocking or jarring to hear. I have a very full life. I work. A lot. And I love what I do- the being with people, the pointing to where God is in their lives, the chaos at times, no 2 days are the same. And when not working, I take care of my dad- from a distance- which is a blessing and a curse. I volunteer for the Humane Society. I have friends. And yet, I feel as if – when push comes to shove I sit.

Sitting is not bad, rest is good. Some people have the opposite problem, so busy running that they don’t stop to feel, explore, deal. For me, I need to/want to, find that happy medium. To live my life, but no be so busy living that I miss it.

And I want to use this time that I am now getting control of, to grow closer to what can actually fill the hole in my heart- our Triune God. I want to read things that inspire me, make me think, help me to grow- to go out and explore this creation that God put together- the trees- the flowers- the trails – to move this body that God created and appreciate the intricacy.

Jesus talks about abundant life- a life that is full- full of hope, mercy, forgiveness and grace. Let us all find ways of living life abundantly.

Back to the Ashes

Good Ash Wednesday to you.  It has been awhile since I have written, but my Lenten Discipline this year is to give up things that waste my time and add in things that draw me closer to God.  Writing, thinking out loud- via print-, focusing on intentional time on what God is doing in me and in the world, will draw me closer.

So let’s start today with the concept of giving something up for Lent.  Growing up in Southeast Ohio in a mainly Catholic/Protestant town, giving something up for Lent, eating fish on Fridays was something they (the Catholics) did.  And since I was not Catholic- we did not do this- I think we intentionally ate beef on Friday at home just to prove a point.

Even when I heard people talk about it- it seemed more of a joke- giving up homework, vegetables, and chocolate every once in a while.  I did not understand the point.  Later in life I heard how other people add things- like exercise or eating healthy.  And again, I was not sure what that had to do with Jesus?  I know it takes 30 days to make a habit, so was it just taking advantage of the 40 day window?

Now that I am a big bad professional theologian, I have come to my own understanding of what “giving something up for Lent” can be about. 

Ash Wednesday kicks off a time of awareness of the depth of our sin and our mortality.  It is about coming to terms, reminding us that this life is temporary, this life is not our own, in an instant it can all be gone.  This can be sad, hopeless, feeling as if we are alone and wonder what the point is.  And then we spend 5 weeks pondering who Christ is in the midst of this desert. 

These days symbolize when Jesus was in the desert, when he was driven there by the Spirit and them tempted.  His temptations were tailored to who he was, the son of God- Human and Divine.  He was tempted to prove who he was, to claim his power, to show the world, before his time, the revelation of his true nature.  He resists this temptation by drawing closer to the Father.  He draws closer to scripture, and that gives him the strength.  He is placing the Father’s will before his own.  And he comes out on the other side stronger, more clear, more focused in the mission and vision of grace, love and mercy for the world.

So when we enter into Lent, we need to think about- what tempts us the most.  What distracts us from spending time with God.  What things do we put in front of God’s will for us and can we resist that temptation.  Can we draw closer to Jesus and how will be transformed through this.  For when we come out on the other side, when we see Easter, when the darkness lifts and light shines through, we experience hope!  We rise with Christ on Easter and we are stronger, we are full of joy and hope.

I hope you will join me on this journey through Lent, Holy Week and Easter.  For after Easter, I have an amazing opportunity that you will not want to miss!  More on that later.

Darkness and Light

I have started to do Advent Devotions, getting up early in the morning, at the kitchen table by 5:30, coffee poured, candle lit and centered breaths. I am reading Honest Advent by Scott Erickson. I want to center myself in what it is we are celebrating. Amidst the busyness of preparing opportunities for others, I needed to take the opportunity myself.

Today’s thought – Who we are is deeper than where we find ourselves in this moment. And Jesus illuminates that deeper identity.

Personally I have been going through some things, as we all do. Where I am finding myself in the moment has been times of anger, darkness, confusion, hurt, feelings of betrayal, and wonderment of my future. I have also found myself in moments of humor, synergy, grace, beauty and light. Complex- we are all complex people finding ourselves in many different places in the same moment.

After getting ready I was checking the news and saw the School shooting in Oxford, Michigan. Three dead, eight injured and so many others traumatized at the hands of a 15 year old. A 15 YEAR OLD!!! Not old enough to drive, not old enough to drink, vote- but has made decisions that will effect hundreds, thousands of people for the rest of their lives- including his parents and is friends. Decisions that he can’t take back.

I can only imagine the complexity of where people are finding themselves in the moment. Where the grief, outrage, fear, compassion, rage, confusion, are bringing them. And I think about the shooter- perhaps because I am sitting safe in South Carolina, that I can afford to think about him.

Who we are is deeper than where we find ourselves in this moment. And Jesus illuminates that deeper identity.

I wonder if he knows that who he is at his core is a child of God. I wonder if there will be anyone to tell him, when he thinks about the chaos that he has caused, that when he was created God looked at him and said you are good. I pray that when he is overcome with guilt, grief, shame, anger – that there is a voice telling him that he is redeemable- that Christ loves him and died for him as well. I pray that there is someone to shine the light of Christ to his kid- this child- that the world will hate (and with good reason) but who Christ weeps for.

My prayer for you dear reader- whoever you are- is that someone is there to shine the light of Christ to you in your darkness- in your chaos. That wherever you find yourself in this moment- good, bad or indifferent- that you know that is not all that you are. You are light that comes from the source of life- our Triune God.